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Friday, 19 June 2015


Ohhh……I was lying there in bed with you, naked wrapped in bed sheet and you sleeping in my arms. I could make out, we just had a wonderful sex session. I could see that peace on your face.  

What I saw next was, you sitting beside me, I looked tensed and you were giving me courage holding my arms. I could make out, I was still struggling professionally. There were some problems, I don’t know what and then I saw myself going out of the house. I couldn’t recognize the house too, it was neither yours neither mine. A new place, it was. I then saw myself walking away waving hands at you, You with a smile wishing me all the best. I didn’t understand why that all the best was for. May be I was out in search of a job.

I then saw you in a red colored saree, it looked like it was made of silk. You were looking gorgeous as always, we were having a talk together. As usual I was teasing you and you were hurling abuses at me….i couldn’t say what the whole conversation was about…I don’t remember much. I was teasing you…you were cooking something ….i could hear you saying….teri problem kya hai be gandu….i was surprised even after getting married you hadn’t left your habit of using cuss words after the slightest provocation. I took you by your waist and asked, ennadi ninakk……chumma chudaavade mole....and you replied back….poda kope…. I gave a peck  on your lips…..and asked chal ek umaaaaa de….you give a peck back, that pecky moment turns into a long smooch. I am sucking your neck simultaneously caressing your back. I could hear your moans and feel your warm breath.

I felt like a sudden urge to pee and that’s when I woke up and realized fuck man….it was a dream……two years have gone by since we parted ways babe and I still get your dreams…o lady what have you done to me. I always think I have got over you but dreams like this, what do they mean. I dearly miss you, those intimate moments. You were the first woman I kissed and how do you go out of my mind.
After you walked away, I did had some relationships but it never worked, I lost interest quite soon. All I was interested was in getting laid and even getting laid was not interesting. Intimacy with them was not exciting as it was with you. They were good girls, nice, beautiful, caring but then may be they are not made for me. one of them…yuck her mouth stinked everytime I kissed her. how can a girl ignore her oral hygiene….

They all left me like you did, some cursed me, some said I am disgusting and I would surely pay for my deeds one day some said I would cry one day….what they don’t know is I do cry….not everyday but I have my teary moments….so I really don’t care…I am just moving on…you have teached me to move on….sometimes I feel something is seriously wrong with me and may be that’s why people leave me like this…oooopsss….so confusing life is….

I went to pee and as I peeed, I looked into the toilet hole…it was filled with foam….what the fuck…my urine had more semen than ammonium salts….yewwww…..nothing is wrong with me….physically…my limb was still erect but I was too lazy to masturbate…sleep was still heavy on my senses….i went back to sleep in the hope of finding you again….if only dreams were this beautiful..i wish I never woke up…

Thursday, 18 June 2015

WRITER'S BLOC-when I am finished…I take re-birth in Christ

When I go through this phenomenon called the Writer’s block, where thoughts cease to form in your mind.  Where you try to think hard but nothing forms in your mind. Head starts to ache, the more you try to think, the more you feel disappointed, I then try to calm myself. Lye around idly, watch movies, read books, still nothing comes in mind. I lye idly looking at the ceiling fan as it rotates with speed, cooling the hot air around. Suddenly like a thunder bolt, a thought strikes me and I realize, oh!!!!! Yes I haven’t read the bible for so long, I need to read it right now.

I take the bible, clean the dust on it and read it where I had ended it last time. As I read it, understand it, meditate on it and my mind is filled with peace. It calms down ready to give birth to new ideas………….when I am finished…I take re-birth in Christ…oh yes I do….

Wednesday, 17 June 2015

Scrapbook Moments


A hearty Good Afternoon Fr Thomas, Fr George, Sisters and to all my dear uncle, aunties and my dear friends.;…I Issac thomas president of Bhopal mcym is here before you all to speak on behalf of Pithruvedi, mathruvvedi, Sunday school and mcym……..
I remember last Sunday when the committee members handed me this responsibility of giving a farewell speech, Once the meeting was over Tency aunty came to me and said…in your speech do say that Fr Thomas is an encourager, a promoter who promotes talent…if he had been not there…the church would not have known that I can sing so well……This small incident itself speaks volumes about Fr Thomas. He Is an enthusiast…someone who promotes new ideas, good work and fresh talent.
Fr you were an hardworker who worked hard for the betterment of this church. It was under your leadership that the verandah of our church was developed. The calvary was made.The church was renovated and paneling was done. There were  so many other things that made our church look more better and beautiful. You laid the foundation of Mar baselios college of nursing, you  nurtured it, developed it and made it the no. 1 nursing college of Madhya Pradesh. This itself speaks volumes about such a great leader you were, a leader who always lead from the front. We all are really proud of you father and we will always be.

I remember during the etri youth convention 2012 that was held in Bhopal, Bhopal MCYM had planned to organize a camp fire for all the youths but it all went wrong and the program went all wrong because of some mistakes we did. You were really angry with us but then when everyone was off to bed, you made us sit down on the ground in the night and had a talk with all of us. that was the most wonderful session we had with you in these 8 years. Jesus Christ gave sermon on the mount to his disciples and you gave sermon on the ground to all of us.

Well George achan what do I say about you…you are one those handsome achans I ever met….tall, handsome and someone who can charm anyone with his smile. I just love your voice…cool, calm and clear…..

If I talk about both them Thomas achan and George achan are like two poles far apart…the exact opposite of each other….Like the Jodi of Jai and Veeru from the epic movie Sholay….Thomas achen the hot headed Dharmendra and George achan..the calm n composed Amitabh bachchan….If George achan is ice…Thomas Achan is burning coal….
In all this years….Together you both  chanellised the actions of pitruvedi, you tapped the hidden skills of our mothers and encouraged them to come forward through mathruvedi and you promoted the youth of this church in every possible way thirough mcym and channelizing the  abundant energy of our kids into meaningful acts through Sunday school.

It seems like just the other day when we were all talking about Thomas achan and George Achan  and how we thought they would stay with us permanently…but here they are going away from us to their new destinations.

I remember thinking that it would be hard to say goodbye ... and I was right - it is hard.
Yet I consider myself fortunate to have met both of them have attended the holy mass for all this years in their able guidance….. they are so wonderful human beings who care about us….there are so many memories with them….so many years spent with them… that it makes saying goodbye very hard….

But then what begins has to end one day…a hello ends up in  a bye someday and we all have to be prepared for it….
As we say goodbye, we remind ourselves that farewells are not forever, nor are they the end. They are simply words to say that we will miss you dearly and that we will remember you fondly.
Although we may be separated by time and distance in the interim, nothing will diminish the important role that you have and always will play in our lives.

We wish you happy adventures, fantastic new friendships, amazing experiences and the journey of a lifetime. God bless you both in abundance……-

Wednesday, 10 June 2015


Like everyday I finished my jogging session and was walking back where I had parked my bike. I was sweating profusely and was enjoying the fruit of my hard work. I am so much in love with my sweat. I was walking back exhausted but with a smile on my face when suddenly I heard someone walking in the near by woods. Someone was walking on those deal leaves and the leaves were screaming enough to witness the presence of the intruder. I got alert and walked towards the direction of the voice. The voices became more clear. Fear gripped me again.

I prayed that it ain’t a leopard. As I walked near I saw a small four footed creature walking, a body full of hairs. I tried to recognize it, what was that….o Jesus…it’s a mongoose….wowwww…that was a rare sight to be seen. I took my mobile and turned on the flash, the mongoose noticed me. we stared at each other for a while and before I could take a click, it took a sudden right turn and vanished into the woods and all I could hear was screeching of dead leaves and twigs. 

Monday, 8 June 2015


I was a regular jogger and practiced yoga on regular basis until last year I met with two successive accidents. Both the time, my right leg was hit and that too at the same spot, my right joint. Jogging became a painful experience after that and I couldn’t perform forward bend asana and other poses that stressed too much on my right leg, for it pained a lot. I gave up jogging and yoga altogether.

I took up meditation for time being and started meditating a lot. Reading the bible is one of my best hobbies, I also started reading other spiritual books, books written by Osho, Deepak chopra and Dr Joseph Murphy. I don’t know what was happening within me or my mind but I started getting weird dreams in the night, dreams that drained me of all the energy within me, everytime I woke up, I woke up really tired as if I was fighting with someone.  I started talking and screaming in the night.

My parents got worried and advised me to keep a bible beneath the pillow before I went to sleep. I shared this problem with my girlfriend and she thought I was just making a fool of her but then when I constantly stuck to what I said, she understood the seriousness of the situation. She started praying for me every day and talked to me late till the night, singing songs for me at times until I fell asleep. The bible worked wonders and so did her love and care. I stopped getting those nightmares.

Months passed by like this, I gained a lot of weight. I weighed 72 kilos now and for a 5 foot four inch guy, this much weight came under the heavy weight category. I started jogging again once the doctors declared me fit and once the pain was over. I get free after 6 in the evening and reach the jogging track by 7 pm, that’s the ideal time for me as I would rarely find any one there and I could jog on my own without any disturbance. Even if there was anyone left, he or she would be preparing leave. The club where I go is an old one set up in during the mid 50’s and 60’s, there was a jogging track, football ground, basketball court, golf court, hockey stadium, a gym and many more in one single place. Each sport was located at a considerable distance to each other. Everything was made amidst a forest and there was vast greenery all around.

It was a pleasure to spend some lonely time in the woods, there was this bridge there below which a stream of water flows during the rainy season, it was dry though now, as summer was going on and around it was dense cover of trees, shrubs and climbers. It was my habit that once I was done with my jogging, I use to sit on the bridge and meditate for a while as it calmed my body and I just loved the feeling of a sweat drenched me, cooled by the winds of the forest as I kept my eyes close.

Today was a windy day, as I went for my daily jogging session, I was already late. There were just a few human souls left and they too were preparing to go. It was already 7.15 and the cover of darkness was falling all over. I started jogging and I found it difficult to jog as the wind was blowing against me, I still continued jogging but felt like it was a different day, I felt my body had become heavy, running had become quite difficult. By the time I ended my third round, I felt my body breaking, falling apart. I felt difficult to breathe but I still continued and was determined to finish atleast 5 rounds. By the time I finished my 5 rounds, I was quite exhausted. Never did I feel so tired. I was sweating all over, sweat was trickling out from every single pore of my body. As I came out panting, I noticed there was no single soul left.  I went straight to the bridge and sat there with the right leg resting on the thigh of the left leg and the left leg was hanging on the bridge. I rested my hands on my joints and with my fingers made the gyaan mudra. I closed my eyes and felt the heavy breathing within my body. I could feel my sweat drops flowing down my body lanes. I was engrossed in my ownself when suddenly I started feeling uncomfortable sitting at that place. I could feel the winds around me, whistling and making sounds. The place was dead quiet and the sound of the wind made it quite alive. I opened my eyes to find trees before me and I saw them making weird shadows on the ground.

I closed my eyes again to meditate but some unknown fear began creeping into my mind. I felt as if something was unusual with this place. I opened my eyes again and this time I found spirits around me, souls hanging in air moving around me. I felt  shivers within my body.  I felt dry in my throat ,I closed my eyes again. When I opened it again, everything was back to normal. I checked my neck and felt assured that my cross was still with me. Jesus is there  to protect me. i felt relieved. A voice within me said, it is not safe to stay here now, move out as quickly as possible. I didn’t had the guts to disobey the voice within. I ran towards the gate and as I came out, found three men talking to each other. I felt good after seeing them. i don’t know why but I did. They were surprised to see me as they never expected any one at this hour to perspire on the ground. I kickstarted my bike and drove back home thinking about the experience I just had. As I reached home, I thanked God to bring me back safe and I was determined to go back again to test my guts. Those visuals were back again.......

Sunday, 7 June 2015


To me sex was the more pressing need than love or companionship. For too long have we been fooled into believing that the basis of a happy man-woman relationship is love. Love is an elusive concept and means different things to different people. There is nothing elusive about lust because it means the same thing to all people.

“It is the physical expression of liking a person of the opposite sex. cuddling, kissing and fondling leading to sexual intercourse. Love cannot last very long without lust. Lust has no time limit and is true foundation of love and affection”.

Taken from Memoirs of Mohan kumar……